love and lost regrets

So I hear about how gays never find love, but they never really understand what leave means. I think love is radically different for each person, what it means to them, how to show it and how they communicate it. Gay guys never figure themselves out before they go into a relationship, some are so desperate for love that they never look in the mirror and see what they need to improve on in their own personal lives. If they spent thirty minutes even fixing their own lives, they would be surprised at how much better life becomes. Loving and accepting yourself is a beautiful thing, more people should do it, instead of focusing on what makes them unhappy and negative. Focus on how good a simple cup of tea can taste, focus on doing the right things for you, pay of your bills, pay off unnecessary funds. After that, start building your life up, get what you want and make yourself happy, then focus on love. Why do guys never love the guy that loves them deeply, i never understand that, it happens to me too, i meet guys that i can never have, but i adore because of something about them, but then guys that I would never acknowledge fall in love with me, just because i am not sexually attracted to them. So yeah, i feel that i show love by cooking, cuddling, watching movies, and doing simple signs of affection, such as a playful punch, or playfully wrestling. /I love physical contact, just a little touch here and there, nothing too pda. I regret that i never act on how i feel, for good or bad and for the worst sometimes, but why is it that the worst is always one my end and never on there, or at least that is how it emotionally feels to me, like I am always the one that takes the hurt, but never really heals

Gay suicides

Honestly, this whole recent trend of GLBTQ deaths is very disturbing, and makes me wonder a lot of things and brings up parts of my past I really don't talk about. The first thing I wonder is where are these people's support groups and why did no one do anything to help them. The ones that are still in school, mainly high school and middle school, the school officials should be brought to stand on trial as to why they just let what happened to this kids happen. The dude that recorded his room mate making out with another guy, fuck you man, that shit was his business not yours. Not always does it get better, but my god you can make it better, or you can make it worse. You make it better by being stronger, being above the masses that try to tell you are wrong for being happy and being you. All the people that are being negative towards you are trying to do is bring you down to their level or lower to make themselves better, because obviously they are not happy being themselves or comfortable for that matter. When ever some one drags you down, stop them because and pick yourself up off the ground, because some one in this world loves you, it might be your whole family, a good friend, a great group of friends, or it might be that one true love. Suicide is a selfish act and cowardly, just don't do it. But on the flip side, you know how you make it worse, by giving in to the negative venomous attitudes of the haters. Giving in only makes them happy, gives them power over how you react, lets them control you. It does get better, but only if you make yourself happy and not let the negative people around you control your life, take control of your life, you can't control other people.

sorry for the break

I have been back in the states for a few months now, being reminded again of why i don't socialize much with people around me. Not that they are bad people, i just feel that people are so damn insecure over incredibly illogical things, such as people's sexuality, their religious beliefs, the way other people dress, the way other people talk, the people that people choose to hang out with. I though America was supposed to be non judgmental, not this society in which people automatically judge based you because you have tattoos or piercings, just like i know an infantry officer who is wicked smart, but I also know a signal guy that is dumb as a brick, and that is giving the brick some credit. I know this is a retread of earlier posts, but it just seems America needs to catch up with a lot of the world. Instead of focusing on violence like we seem to in american culture, we need to focus on peace and love, but those don't make money.

Exodus, -42 days

I have been observing both sides of the issue about the repeal of don't ask, don't tell. First and foremost, why in the world is it such an issue in modern society of what you do in your own home. In this society of tweets, blogs and facebook wall posting, we have really lost all sense of privacy and respect for said privacy, but that is another blog, another time. On year long deployments you learn a lot about your platoon mates and yet it seems that people act like every little thing is their business just because you are around each other every day of the week. I honestly feel that we put too much emphasis on that instead of the mission, or if something does happen in the company over half the other companies in the battalion know. I understand why and do agree with most of the reasons for the repeal of the policy. Firstly, asking some one to lie about themselves is going against the beliefs of all the branches, such as honesty, and integrity. A lot of the opponents are using really weird reasons, such as barracks set ups, showers, and, god forbid, a chaplain having to marry a same sex couple. These reasons were the exact same ones used by opponents of women serving and blacks being integrated into the military, and yet those are not even issues now. Even then, gays and lesbians and everything in between still choose to serve along side their straight brothers and sisters in the armed forces. They have been sharing showers, been sharing rooms, living side by side, fighting side by side, dying side by side. Blood spilt is still blood spilt, regardless if it is Black, Asian, Laotian, Samoan, White, Hispanic, European, Gay, Straight, Lesbian, Bisexual. The Armed Forces currently have regulations in place protecting every one from sexual harassment and assault, that does include same sex attacks. There I just smashed two reasons to bits, because when it comes down to it, straight or gay, I don't want to know what you did last night, how you did or any details, beyond I got some. Another reason opponents keep using is that it is not religiously right. Since when is our military ran by a religious organization, because it is not. An order is an order, to be followed without question, and if a leader has an issue with any order, let them leave the service, we need leaders who can adjust with the times. Lastly, do the mission, respect your fellow service members, and keep it in the bedroom.

what we need is a little....

Love, tolerance, acceptance, peace, justice. I am really saddened by the loss of these values in modern society. I always thought that these were the basics needed for a happy life, not money, not a sense of power, or a sense of self righteous need that the whole world owes you something. Hate to say this, the world owes you nothing, but the more positive energy you give to the world, the more you get back. A negative attitude gets you nowhere, being rude, tactless and disrespectful gets you nothing. Also, choosing not to tolerate or accept a group because they are different make you no different than past groups that you claim to be better than. Hate is hate, regardless of what form it shows itself in, I don't care if its religious, or just because a group is different.
The difference between me and my roommate, or me and my other half, is what makes humans wonderful, we should celebrate the difference's that exist, not condone. If we were all made to be the same, life would be very boring and very dull, and if so, I think the similarities that exist like that are what cause people to become different and beautifully so. Justice is warped, just because hate crimes do not extend fully to all groups, does not mean a crime is any less of a crime. This blog is all about equality and love and peace. Just because you are not at peace with yourself does not give you the right to take out your turbulent soul on some one else. If you are not happy with yourself, dont take it out on other people, change yourself, like ghandi says, be the change you want to see in the world. Being at peace with yourself is powerful thing, and to those that are not, they find you weird to be around, if they dont know why, they just do. That is why some groups hate on others, so that way they don't have to focus on their own problems

An Open Letter To Westboro Baptist Church

To the congregation of Westboro Baptist Church and Fred Phelps;
HI! This is a US Soldier, writing this letter from Iraq. If I was not here right now, at 2:18 in the morning, I would be back in the states without a job probably and homeless. I know this letter means nothing to your hate mongering group, because your group believes that everyone but your church goers are sinners. Well I have a message for you, because of past wars and current wars, you are able to live your life of hate and freely spew your hate and venom. I challenge your group to do what we do 24/7, eat mediocre food, lose sleep, hear about the deaths of fellow soldiers. I dare you to have to decide whether or not the loud boom that startles you out of a dead sleep is out going or incoming, whether or not you are losing another friend to the war. I have missed 2 funerals since being deployed, missed my nephews birthdays, missed a friends wedding, missed my oldest nephew's transition from kid to teenager. I hear about holidays and see photos of what goes on, my life a small point stuck in time. I get my news 8 hours after it happens, i get movies from locals on horribly made dvds. I don't know what day it is, I just know when I wake up, when I am off, and cant talk about what happens or what I see. Right now I am currently unsure of when I leave the country, I may not be home for my birthday. When i go to bed, it is 95 degrees at 8 in the morning, and gets up to 110 that day. When I wake up for night shift, i look forward to a horrific internet connection and barely able to talk to my family. If some one dies out here, i can not tell my parents or family who, or what happened, because we blackout all nonsecure comms so that way the media does not get word before the family does. I challenge you to be a soldier and learn the real cost of freedom, the freedom of speech your group abuses. Come over here and sleep in tents with bad air conditioning on cots that are not comfortable, having to haul 100 pounds of gear around in 90 degree temperatures, and that is 90 degrees at night. I implore you Fred Phelps, to come over here for a year and walk 5 miles daily just going to chow, just to eat the same thing you have for 6 months. This is not a whining letter, this letter is an open challenge to your group, come, live our life that we live by choice for a year in foreign country with no family.

Sincerely,
A US Soldier.

A thought on life and love,

i am in a pretty good relationship right, it is a little rough, but that is to be expected when dating in the military, it does not go smooth most of the time in civilian life. I think that in modern times we rush too much into love with out really knowing the person or realizing who they really are or can be. Once you get past the honeymoon love dovey phase, the real truth of people show, in which all facets of the personality show up, good and bad. Just before I get off shift in Iraq i am crabby, extremely so, i have been awake over 15 hours and am ready for bed, yet my lover tolerates and knows to leave me be before i get off shift, that or they are asleep. In each relationship it has to be give and take, not one gives and receives nothing in return, that is a very empty relationship. If both sides are giving and taking, then it is well done, if it is unbalanced, the one of the them gets unhappy and the fights start. A great example is one where the guy gets married without knowing the women at all, then he deploys and she spends all his money, will not send him anything he wants or needs and then he is wondering what she is really doing, resulting in fights. Trust and love in relationships grow with time and need a complete effort from both parties, not just one doing all the work. Sometimes love does happen quickly, and effortlessly, but it is good also for it to start like slow burning fire, fully engulfing both parties when it happens. Trust is another major issue, it can't be forced, it has to be developed and earned from both parties, and both parties have to be willing to forgive when stuff happens. If you can not talk out your issues, then what point is there in staying together.